Memories
by LilFlyergirl
Summary: R starts to have dreams of places... and people from his old life.
1. Chapter 1

Memories

A/N Not affiliated with Warm Bodies, or Isaac Marion or Nicholas Hoult, but man I would like to be! :)

It's in the early morning hours of the day that I write. Julie is sleeping beside me, snoring slightly. I watch her chest rise and fall for awhile and I know all is right with the world. With my world, anyway. The world in general, well, that is still a work in process. I reach in between the mattress and box spring and produce my faded notebook. This is the first souvenir that I ever collected from the city. The cover is a dusty yellow and when I first found it, lying there in the midst of brain and gore, I couldn't take my eyes off of it for the longest time. I knew that it meant something. That it had been important, I just couldn't remember what for. So I took it, and I would stare at it for hours on end while sitting in my old 747, turning the empty pages. Now I often wonder what it had been meant for. Who bought it? A busy mom? A college student? What hopes and dreams had they planned to write down?

Whatever this old book was meant for had a new purpose now. It doesn't happen every day, but frequent enough that Julie suggested I do this, and, well, at first I thought they were nothing more than dreams, and I was so strung up on the idea of dreaming again that I brushed them off at first. Small videos in my mind playing. Images of a woman hugging and squeezing me, teaching me how to ride a bike. She has a kind face and auburn hair. Faces. People I must have known. A car, a blue Honda. A cubicle in an office. A girl, not much older than Julie, kissing me on the lips and holding my hand. Images from my old life. But not just images. Memories.

I hunch over and jot down what I can remember from last night's visions. Some times they are the same ones over and over. But this one, the one about the girl, she is the newest. She's fairly attractive with shoulder length red hair and bright green eyes, and it worries me. It's obvious that this mystery girl had meant something to me. If I had seen her and not Julie, would she have been the one to cure me? To cure us? If I had not eaten Perry's brain, would I still love Julie?

I look over at her, and find that she is no longer sleeping, but she is watching me intently, her eyes on my back.

"Did I wake you?" I ask.

She shakes her head slightly. "No." She reaches her hand up and rubs my back. "Are you okay? Did you have another dream?"

I give her a small smile, "Yeah, but I'm okay."

She sits up, and rests her head on my shoulder. "Then what's with the crease in between your eyes? Is it that woman again? The one who might be your mother?"

I sigh. I know how important family is to Julie, how hurt she was when her mother ran out, how she felt about her father. But I can't remember my family. I just have pictures in my head of a woman how may or may not be my mother.

"R," She says. "There was always a possibility that this might happen. In fact, I'm surprised it hasn't happened already."

I frown at her, and open my mouth to speak, but she cuts me off by holding a finger to my lips. "You must have had a family. You're remembering people from your old life. This isn't something to suppress. You should explore it. You deserve it."

There's a pause between us. The uncertain elephant in the room dangling from the ceiling. "Do you think they're still alive?" I whisper.

"I don't know." She says softly.

"Do you think..." I pause, collecting myself, shocked at the prickling of tears behind my eyes, "do you think... these people... do you think I hurt them?"

"No." She says firmly. "How could I think that? You saved me and you didn't even know me. Do I think you could hurt your own mother? No, R, I don't." She lays back down and reaches her arms up for me. I drop the book to the floor, and snuggle into her arms. Her spicy perfume invades my nostrils, and I look deep into her eyes. This woman changed everything about me. "No," I said, brushing her hair behind her ear. "You saved me."

She smiles at me, and gives me a soft kiss. And then she giggles and wraps her arms around my neck, while wrapping her body around me. "Come back to bed," she says suggestively, trailing her foot up my leg.

We give in to our desires, and after, when we lay there, listening to each other breathe in and out slowly, I speak the words that I know to be true. "I love you, Julie."

She smiles wider, and rests her head on my chest. "I love you too, R."

…...

Okay, so I am planning on taking this and running with it, if people like it! Please review


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all of the faves and reviews! They make me very happy!

ch 2

When Julie and I wake, it's mid-morning. We have missed breakfast, and lunch should be starting in the next hour. I stretch and dress, and Julie turns to give me a wink before she goes into the bathroom to shower. I walk to the bedroom window and stare down at the streets in the stadium. People mill about freely and openly, children laugh and chase each other. A lot has changed since I first walked through these gates. Under Rosso's eye, the people are still housed and cared for, their meals at sanctioned times, their drugs restricted and monitored, but that's only because the rest of the world hasn't evolved to this status quite yet. The infection is lifting, but slowly. Still, there is talk from stragglers that come into town that Philadelphia would soon be opening the first restaurant since the epidemic occurred. Julie loved that idea. Dining under the stars. Eating food cooked by real chefs. The thought of flushing every ounce of carbtein she could find. One other thing that set the world back in motion was the resurgence of the television set. Mostly re-runs of sitcoms and soap operas rule the airwaves, but every morning and evening comes news from across the country. Our president is the one who speaks, no powdered news anchor behind a fancy desk. Just this man, in front of what remains of the White House comes on to urge us to keep moving forward, how this is a new day and a new dawn. How millions of people are coming back to us, how mankind has reclaimed the Earth. Then, for the next hour, photos of people missing are listed with contact information of loved ones. I do my best to avoid that.

Julie and I are celebrities. Everyone in the stadium knows us, wants us to sit with them at meals, touch our hands, thank us. Julie rolls her eyes at the publicity, but I drink it in. After what I have been through, being accepted by all of these people makes me happy. They are full of sunshine and though that light often blinds me, I am glad it's there. I don't turn away any hand, or hug, or kiss on the cheek. I drink it all in, this feeling of belonging. This love. I have been without it so long that it quenches my parched soul.

We are living in the house that Julie shares with Nora. The first thing Julie did when I moved in was plaster her hope wall with photos of the two of us. A few solos of me. A few of Nora, and even M. She said that I had given her enough hope and support to no longer be afraid. I was too stunned and happy to ask what she meant, but I got the gist of it.

Julie comes up and rests her head against my shoulder. "How's it looking today, R?" She asks.

I smile and draw my arm around her waist. "Looks like a good day."

She frowns, and walks over to her dresser. "You know, you don't have to go if it's too much."

I sigh. Today is the day I have been dreading for over a week. My adopted children, the ones the boneys assigned to my "wife" and I- well, their parents are alive and well, and ready to take their children back with open arms now that they are cured and don't want to eat the flesh from their bones.

I'm happy for them all, of course, and it's not like I bonded that much at all with the kids, still, I can't help but feel an overwhelming feeling of sadness and loss. The easiest thing to do would be to blow it off, close the blinds and stay in bed with Julie. But it's not that simple. Since this is the first of its kind in the stadium, Rosso is holding a huge celebration. He says that this is a miracle, something to be promoted and celebrated, and he's absolutely right. If I don't go, I'll look like a chump, since they were _my_ kids, and in all honesty, I'd feel bad about missing it. The two sets of parents of the kids are coming from another compound in the south. They saw the kids' pictures after one of the president's news broadcasts and had called Rosso right away. It took them three days to get here.

"I'm okay," I tell her, turning around. She's dressed in a simple white dress with a floral pattern. She looks beautiful.

"Are you sure?" She asks. "I can change in two seconds."

I nod.

"Alright, then. How do I look?" She gives a spin, the dress flying around her small frame.

"Amazing." I tell her.

She smiles, dashes over to give me a kiss on the cheek, and then heads out the door.. "Hurry and get dressed. It starts in an hour."

…...

My wife is sobbing uncontrollably. She sits next to Julie and I and Rosso is talking into a microphone and addressing the crowd. Julie places her hand on my wife's arm comfortingly, and she turns and sobs into her shoulder. Julie eyes me for help. I wonder where that guy my wife was having sex with is now. A vindictive smile spreads across my face. I watch as the two kids... whose real names are Tobey and Emma Rae scamper across the stage and into the arms of their awaiting families. I am so happy to see them alive and robust and full of life, that I have to take a few breaths to stop myself from breaking down and sobbing along with my wife. I take Julie's hand and she squeezes it. I look up and find eyes upon me. Someone from Tobey's side of the family. I catch a glint of green eye before she is obscured from my view.

…...

I'm really glad that Rosso did not force me to make a speech. I stand next to Julie as people rush the area, asking me how I feel, touch my face and hand, pat me on the back. Julie has reached over to hug a woman, and as she bends, I see her. Not moving forward, just staring at me. I catch her eye, and her hand moves to her mouth. The smile slowly fades off of my face as I recognize this woman. Her red hair blows gently in the breeze, her green eyes filling with tears. I turn away and back to the crowd. I don't want to see her. I don't want her to be here. I take a step closer to Julie. She glances at me questioningly, but smiles.

"OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU GUYS!" Nora shouts, weaving her way through the crowd. She is pushing people aside as she makes her way up to us.

I let out a laugh and Julie is giggling when we see Nora. She has photos of Julie and I clenches in her hands along with markers, and she's waving them above her head like a crazed fan girl. "I _NEED_ YOUR AUTOGRAPHS!"

Julie grabs a marker off of her and writes _dork _on Nora's forehead. I take a photo from her and sign it _Happy the Clown._

Nora take the photos, stuffs herself in between Julie and I and puts her arms around us. "So, how was the ceremony?"

"It was very nice." Julie tells her as she bends down to hug a little girl. I scan the crowd again over Julie's shoulder. The woman seems to have gone and I breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe it was just my imagination.

"I wonder how long everyone is going to treat you like royalty." Nora says, watching an elderly man come up and touch my hand and walk away.

"Does it bother you?" Julie asks.

"Yes. Immensely." She says with a laugh, and then removes herself from us. "Anyway, off to work. Julie, you coming with, or is lover boy going to carry you?"

Julie rolls her eyes and turns to me.

I laugh. "No, you go ahead. There's something I want to check on, and I'll be there."

Julie pouts, "Alright. Love you."

"Love you too." I say and lean over and kiss her.

Julie turns back to the remaining people, "Sorry guys, I have to go." She pushes her way over to Nora and I am left with the remaining on lookers. The green eyed woman is nowhere to be found.

Nora, M, Julie, and I were given jobs by Rosso. We're working for the government of the stadium, so to speak. Nora is in weapons management, a field Julie occasionally helps out in, but the three of us are primarily in client relations. We travel to different camps, spreading our cure. We bring music, clothes, candles, little snapshots of humanity. M lectures. They understand M and I, moreso because we were once there, I think. Some start the transformation. It's a slow and gradual process, but the awakenings are happening. They turn their dead eyes to Julie and I, watch how our hands are linked together, how close we stand together, how her golden eyes peer into their souls. That's where M is now, away at a corpse camp, trying to get through to them. It's one of the ones we've visited many times. M is there doing a progress report.

On the flip side, we also travel to human camps, the ones that haven't heard about the cure, that don't know what's happening. We bring a television and a generator and Julie lectures on how to safely secure a corpse without killing them for good. I'm her assistant.

After the last hand is shook, I hurry away in the opposite direction from Julie. There's something I've been working on in secret for her. I turn down Victory Ave (all of the streets have been re-named) and see it. It's a small empty building next to the apothecary. I pull out my key and go inside. There's a small oven in the back that was salvaged from one of the camps we've visited. Julie thought I was being nostalgic. I had other plans for it. I enlisted the help of two men of the stadium who gave me this small building as a gift. And this will be _my_ gift to Julie. This will be her restaurant, and Pad Thai will definitely be on the menu.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch 3

"Where do you think he goes?" Nora asked Julie as they walked to work.

"Oh, you mean R?" Julie said.

Nora nodded, "Yeah, it's kind of weird, don't you think?"

"I'm in love with a guy who used to be a zombie. Some people would think that's a little weird."

"Not for you." Nora said. "It's sickening, but I admit it, the way he looks at you, Julie... the way you look at him..." She fluttered her eyelashes and swooned.

Julie laughs and nudged her. "Jealous."

"So, he doesn't tell you where he goes?"

"No. I don't bring the subject up. If he needs a five minute break of privacy, he can have it. He's just starting to open up to me a little about everything. He's having memories about his old life, and I don't want to push him."

"So, you don't wonder at all about where he goes."

"Nora, why is this bothering you so much..." Her voice trailed off. The light bulb clicked on, and she now knew exactly _why_ this was bothering Nora so much. Perry would do this to her. He would sneak out early from dates. He would break them. He would leave saying he had work when he didn't. And he'd be cheating on her with Nora when he was doing it. "He's not cheating on me, Nora. R wouldn't do that."

"I'm not saying he's cheating on you. God knows the man worships the ground you walk on. I just think it's weird that he doesn't tell you."

"You don't know him like I do. Whatever he's doing, whatever it is, if it was bad, he'd tell me."

"Okay," Nora said, and bit her bottom lip.

"Come on, we're late."

…...

I walked to the back of the restaurant and saw a pair of shoes sticking out from under the sink and chuckled. It could be only be one person. Tom, a small man with a bald head and kind face heard me approach him and pushed himself out from under the sink and to his feet.

"R! Nice to see you again." He grasped my hand tightly, covering both of his with my own and I shook it firmly. This empty building had once been his shelter in the early days of the stadium before the communities were built. Small buildings like this one used to litter the street, but they had been renovated or merged into larger apothecaries and consignment shops. Tom had meant to use this shelter as a floral boutique, but since I came along and cured his wife of the epidemic, he gave the building to me as a thank you gift, and has been helping me turn it into a restaurant.

"The ceremony today was absolutely beautiful." Tom said.

"Thanks." I said. "How's it going with the sink?"

"She's almost there." He said, and got back under it. "I just need to tighten this one thing..."

I don't know if the plague heightened my hearing, or I'm just overly sensitive to it now, but I heard footsteps slowing down outside, as if someone was going to come in. Hoping it wasn't Nora spying on me, I sprung from behind the sink just as she came into view.

She looked exactly as she had in my dream; same shoulder length red hair, same emerald eyes. She took a deep breath, and walked into my building. Her eyes caught mine. Mine were full of disbelief, hers were full of want. She was an attractive young woman. She took a step forward, her eyes never leaving mine. Her mouth gently parted, and she whispered, "Ri...Riley?"

I felt my stomach doing somersaults. This couldn't be happening. _This could not be happening._ Not now, not when everything was going so well. She opened her mouth like she was going to ask me something, but I beat her to the punch. "Who are you?" I asked.

She put her hand to her mouth, the tears in her eyes spilling over, and she lowered her head. "You don't know me?" She asked, whispering more to her feet than at me.

A deep feeling of guilt was spreading through my entire body as I watched this poor young woman. "No. I'm sorry." I said softly. I wasn't about to get into the whole dreaming about her thing just yet.

"Riley, it's me." She said, looking up at me with those green eyes.

_Riley. _She called me Riley. That was twice now. Was my name Riley? I tried to imagine myself as a Riley. I couldn't picture it. Maybe this girl had mistaken me for someone else.

"Please." She pleaded. "Talk to me."

"I think you've confused me with someone else." I tell her gently.

She breaks down completely then, quiet hiccuping sobs that shake her small frame and she buries her face in her hands. I'm stumped. It's been many years since I have comforted a crying woman, and my recollection of how to do so is fuzzy. I glance down at Tom and he nods his head to me, urging me to go over to her. I sigh, knowing this is a bad idea, but having no other choice. I gather her softly in my arms and she rests her head on my shoulder.

I'm not sure how, but holding this girl is familiar somehow. Like I've done it before many years ago.

"I thought you were dead, Riley." She whispers, and then like a silent lullaby to herself, she repeats three words softly, "Oh my God."

I listen to her repetitive mantra, wondering what all of this means now, if this woman does indeed know me, when she straightens up. She dries her enchanting eyes, and looks deep into mine. Mine still have a hint of steely gray, but mostly have been changed to blue.

"Why do you keep calling me Riley?" I blurt out.

"That's your name..." She almost shouts. "Riley Allan Burke. You were named after your father, you met me while we were working in St. Louis. Doesn't this mean anything to you?"

I pull away from her, and take a step back. I rack my brain. This woman's face is there, we are holding hands, we are kissing, but this name, St. Louis... "No." I say simply, "I'm sorry, but when I changed, I lost a lot of everything. I don't remember who I was, where I lived. I was hoping it'd come back, but..."

"You saved me." She said, cutting me off. "We were working late one night when the building was overrun. You locked me in a closet. You said you'd be back for me, that you were going to try and distract them..." a sob caught in her throat, "It was the last time I saw you. I had my hands clapped over my ears so tight when I heard people being slaughtered. And then... there was nothing, and I finally came out. I looked for you, day and night for two months. I always knew in my heart that you were alive!" She threw her arms around me and pressed her lips to mine. The same memory of us kissing popped into my head, and I grabbed hold of her arms and gently pulled her off of me with a "Please."

"I'm sorry." She said, a blush growing on her cheeks. "It's just that... the whole world has been to hell and back. I've been to hell and back. Finding you has been my dandelion among this carnage."

I'm not getting through to her. I take her hand in mine. I need to get her to understand. I need her to listen to me. There's Julie now, and only Julie. So, I start off easy. "I'm sure what we had was very special."

She nodded, a smile on her face. "It was love, Riley. You'd tell me you loved me every chance you got. You'd bring me flowers for no reason at all."

I sighed. "I'm sure I did, but I have a different life now, and I'm sorry."

She hung her head, and was silent for a long time. I avoided her eyes, and listened to her slow breathing. It was rythmic, just like Julie's. "It's that blonde girl, isn't it?"

"Yes. Her name is Julie."

"I'm leaving tomorrow. I just came here because Tobey is my friend's son. You must have taken him in because you remembered him. He lead me to you, Ri. To us."

I didn't have the heart to tell her that Tobey and Emma Rae were given to me at random when I was married to a zombie girl. "Things change." I said.

"I guess they do." She said. "I'm sorry I bothered you."

I shook my head. I know what it was like finding the world in Julie, and then being devastated when she left me back at the apartment. I had to at least appologize. "I'm sorry I'm not the person I was."

She turned and headed for the door. "If you ever remember me, I'm staying in a compound in Atlanta. My name's Beth." She called over her shoulder as she left the building.

Beth. The name circled in my head.

Beth... Beth... Beth... _Beth. _Suddenly, my head is full of memories. The two of us carrying an oversized sofa into a house. Breakfasts in bed. Surprising her with red roses. Me getting down on one knee and offering her a ring.

Her words echo in my head. Dandelion among the carnage. My thoughts drift to my notebook. How yellow and beautiful it looked amongst the gore. How could she know about that? Am I making too much of this? Is she my _wife_? I can't breathe. This is happening too fast. I don't know what to do. Would I know if I'm having a heart attack? There's no pain in my arm. I'm sure I'm going to be sick. I race from the building, ignoring the shouts from Tom, and burst into my house. It's quiet and dark, and I find the lone leather couch in the living room, and gather my head in my hands. I don't love Beth. I don't. I might have before, but that was a long time ago. How am I going to explain this to Julie? Will she understand? Six words now circle my head. _What am I going to do?_

…_._

I don't know how long I sit there. Soon, I hear the rapid footsteps approaching the front door. I hear the key in the lock, and Julie's frantic voice. "R!" She screams. I want to answer her. I want to shout that I'm in here, and I'm alright, but every time the words bubble to my lips, I see Beth's eyes. Feel her lips on my own. "R!" She calls again, this time from the hallway. More footsteps, and she's in the living room. I know she sees me, because drops to her knees in front of me. I can see her lap through my fingers. She turns her head, "Nora, he's in here!"

"Oh my God." She says. I wish she wouldn't use that phrase. "Are you okay?" She asks, prying my fingers from my skull.

"What's wrong with him?" Nora asks, close by, probably in the same room.

"R, it's me, it's Julie." She says cupping my face, and her voice catches in her throat, and I know she is on the verge of tears. It's this knowledge that brings me out of my fog. To hear her in danger, or upset, it brings me back to reality. I stare at her. "Julie. I'm okay."

She breaths a sigh of relief, and throws herself at me, wrapping her arms tightly around me neck. "Oh my God, you scared me."

"I'm sorry," I say, clearing my throat, and pull her tight. I glance at Nora and her eyes are peeled.

"Why didn't you go to work?" Nora asks.

"It's a long story." I say. I look up at her, and she is leaning against the far wall.

"When you didn't show up, I thought something was wrong." Julie said, straightening up to look at me. "I've called the house phone several times, and no one answered, and no one knew where you were."

"I had a bit of a distraction today." I said. "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to worry you."

"It's you and me, remember?" She says, and places her forehead against mine.

I breathe in her spicy scent and I _do_ remember. I twine my fingers through hers.

"Where'd you go?" Nora asks.

"Nora, this is not an interrogation." Julie says.

"No," I say, "I have to tell you something. I... I ran into someone from my past today."

Nora squints at me, and Julie's eyes become moons. "Your mother? She's here, at the stadium?"

"No." I say.

"Then who is it?" Julie asks.

I sigh. How am I going to explain this? How am I going to tell her... I look deep into her golden eyes, and I'm home. Her love is what I want, all I want. "Remember, that I love you and I want you, okay?"

Julie is silent, and I can tell she is fearing the worst.

"There was a woman. She claims to know me. And... she claims to be my wife."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews and likes and follows and favorites! Please note that I haven't finished The New Hunger yet.

Ch 4

"This is _bullshit!_" Nora exclaims angrily.

I look up at her, and for a second picture her as a dragon, plumes of smoke emitting from her nostrils. She crosses her arms and rounds on me. "How can you do this to her, R?"

Her words cut through me, deep to my core. My brain searches its inner workings for the right thing to say. "I didn't plan this." I say weakly, and then hate myself for it.

"You were supposed to be better than me." Nora says, and I'm so stunned that I stare at her for a moment.

"You were supposed to be better than me." Nora repeats. "We are all she has left. I'm the one that betrayed her with Perry. You were supposed to take care of her, R."

Nora's words hang in the air and then float gently down in my ears and onto my shoulders. I feel like an elephant is sitting on my back. I gently let go of Julie's hands and place them softly on the couch, and rise to my feet. The weight does not leave me, and I'm glad it doesn't. This is my burden to bare for the rest of my life. I'm easily a foot taller than Nora, but as not to intimidate her, I make no move toward her. My legs rest against the couch cushion, and I feel Julie's warmth as she turns around and puts her back to the sofa. She brings her knees to her chest, and stares at the carpet.

"I'm sorry." I say, "From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. But I didn't know about her, Nora. I couldn't even remember what day it was, and you expect me to remember that I had a wife?"

"Oh, the epidemic is an excuse for fucking everything." Nora says irritably.

I look at her and almost bust out a laugh. How could she possibly ask me that? "Look, this doesn't change how I feel about Julie." I look down at her then, and she is in almost the exact position that I was. I could almost see the gears of her brain turning, wondering how this changes everything and yet nothing all at the same time. I sit down on the floor next to her. I want to reach over and wrap my arms around her, but I'm unsure if my gesture would be welcome, so I rest my knee against hers.

"I want to meet her." Julie says, so quietly that I'm not sure she knows she said it aloud. She glances at me, and gives me a small smile. That smile is like a ray of sunshine that bursts through my body and into my soul.

"And punch her?" Nora asks.

"You married her, R." Julie says, turning to me. "You must have loved her in another time and place. You've been dreaming about your old life. Maybe this is your brain's way of saying that you miss her. Maybe it's your heart's way of saying that you want her back." She pauses.

I open my mouth to protest, but she puts a finger to my lips. "And... I won't stand in your way." She sighs.

"No," I say, removing her hand from my mouth. "No. You're what I want. This life." I can feel the world around me spinning out of control. I can feel the confines of my heart thumping faster and faster, and I can feel Julie slowly slipping through my fingers. I reach out and twine my fingers through hers. I needed something to hold onto desperately. She squeezes my hand weakly.

"How do you know?" She asks. "You pledged your life to this woman. I can't imagine going through what she did. Thinking she lost you... and then finding you again... I..." Her voice cracks, and she locks her eyes with the floor. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you didn't give your old life a shot. A part of me wants to keep you all for myself. Just hide you in my room. Have our little sanctuary." She lets out a small laugh, "But I can't. I can't dress you up and cover you in makeup anymore. I just never thought that when you healed the world, there would be these consequences, and I was naive on that part. I didn't think about who would be missing you, who you left behind."

I can't think of anything to say. Her words cut through to me. Yes, I may have married someone... this Beth and had a life with her. Yes, I may have did that, but... it was another time. When the world was bloated with insignificant things. When we took each other for granted. When we fell into such a routine with somebody, we confused it as love. "What do you want me to do?" I ask her. "Whatever it is, I'll do it for you."

"I know, and that's what kills me the most." Julie says, tears running down her face. "I just don't want you to regret anything."

I'm regretting telling her about Beth, I think idly. "I won't. Not as long as we're together." I say.

She sighs, "I'm going to go take a walk. I'll be back soon, okay?" She walks by me and squeezes my shoulder. No hug. No kiss. I feel like I'm going to punch a wall. Why is everything tumbling down around me? I feel my chest rising and falling rapidly as if I'm having an asthma attack.

"I love you." I tell her as she heads toward the door.

"I know. I love you too." She calls back as she walks out the door.

It is those words that haunt me to my core. I stare at the spot she stood just moments before.

"Well," Nora says, and I almost forgot she was in the room. "You've got a mountain to climb."

"Where do you think she's going?"

"Probably to the cemetery."

"I love her." I say.

"Oh, we all know that. But you loved another woman who clearly still loves you. Julie just wants you to be happy, whether it's with her or this ho-bag." She catches herself, "Sorry, I mean your wife."

…...

M really has to thank R. He turns to the brunette next to him on the right and smiles. She smiles back, and cuddles up closer. M looks to his left and finds the blonde is sleeping. He puts his arms under his head, looks up at the sky and sighs happily. M finished his progress report at the corpse camp two days earlier. They were coming around, slow, but gradual. He left the generator running so that they could see the re-runs of the shows and hear the president on the t.v. Just a little bit of humanity. Then he hopped down the road in Julie and R's convertible and made a pit stop at one of the other camps the stadium shared a somewhat brotherhood with. He loved doing solo missions. As soon as the ladies hear that you were part of the process of curing the damned, well, they all but drop their panties. M loved that about this new world.

He almost decided on picking an actual name. He was close to Michael, with it being biblical and all, but decided against it. He could be a symbol. Like Batman. Or Cher. He got bits and pieces of his old life, from what he could tell, he spent most of it in a place called The Happy Tap, some dive bar. Guzzling alcohol until his eyes rolled up in his head. It seemed like such a waste of existence. He has yet to drink a drop of alcohol, though in part that is due to most of it having been used for weapons. The women, on the other hand, well, you had to indulge in something, right?

The stars had all but disappeared, and the sky was turning an orange. The sun was rising on a new day. M always thought that this was God's cruel joke. It didn't matter if you were infected, if you weren't, if you had enough to eat, or had a warm place to call home. Everyday, the sun did rise.

And it was time for him to make his exit. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am. He got to his feet, shrugged on his clothes, and walked over to the car.

The brunette sat up, wrapping a small blanket around her chest, eying him warily. "Where are you going?"

"To get breakfast. Just rest your pretty head, and I'll be right back."

"Okay, well, be back soon."

M gunned the engine and was off.

…...

Funny creatures, these humans were, the skeleton observed. Emotional. Unpredictable. But this human male looked familiar. He had been one of the damned. He could be of use. The skeleton had observed M's actions with the two females. It saw them leave them unguarded in the open field. It wondered if the wind carried their screams to his ears.


	5. Chapter 5

A Short chapter this time around. Thanks again, as usual, everyone. Please review!

Ch 5

It's nightfall when Julie returns home. I lay on our bed, staring up at the ceiling, hands under my head. My eyes are as wide and bland as they were when I was Dead. I can feel her standing in the doorway, probably wondering whether to kick me out, or to recede back into the shadows as if she wasn't there at all. I don't make a move. This is her choice. After awhile, I hear soft footfalls coming to the bed and I feel her weight. But she is not curled up next to me, her hair tickling my arm like she always does. From the corner of my eye, I see her on the other side of the bed, her back to me, tucked into a little ball.

I sigh, and a feeling of loneliness, longing, and regret overpowers me. I stare up at the ceiling, the lyrics from _Imagine_ penetrating my thick skull. _It's easy if you try_. I want to reach out to her, but I restrain myself. I know she wants the best for me, to do what is right, but how can I explain that my life is meaningless without her in it? It's not Beth that cured me. It's her. It would have always been her. I know that now, deep in the cockles of my being. If Beth had been in Julie's place, I just _know_ that I would still be a corpse. That I would have just regarded her as another human. As another meal.

Julie scoots closer to me in the bed, and I feel my hope rising. She hesitates, deciding. In the darkness, I see her staring straight up at the ceiling, and I wonder if she's thinking about those words too. Then, she crawls over to me, and places her head on my chest. She doesn't say anything, but her tears dampen my shirt. I put my hand on her back and we lay there. I stare at what used to be her "hope" wall. I look at the photos of the two of us, of much happier times.

….

The sun rises and with it comes a knock on the door. Julie lifts her head from my chest, and eyes me oddly. "Who could that be?"

I shrug, "I don't know. M wouldn't knock."

"Yeah," Julie laughs, "I'm pretty sure he made a copy of our key." She hops out of bed and walks over to the window to look down at the front door. "It's Rosy!" She says and turns back to me. She bites her bottom lip and slips a robe around her shoulders. I get to my feet and follow her down the stairs.

"What do you think he wants?" I ask her.

She shakes her head, "I don't know." She pulls the front door open, and the colonel stands there, his arm in the air, ready to knock again.

"Good morning, Julie." He says. He takes off his hat, and rotates it in his hands. "Good morning, R." He adds.

"Hi, Rosy." Julie says. "Would you like to come in? I could make some coffee."

Coffee is one of the few indulgences that was salvaged from before the world turned to hell. There are mountains of coffee beans in various storage sheds across the stadium. Julie drinks it by the gallon. I find the stuff rancid.

Rosso waves his hand. "No, I'm sorry, this isn't a social visit. We need you, R, and Nora to get down to base right away."

"What's wrong?" Julie asks.

A feeling of dread is creeping up my spine. By Rosso's body language, I can tell this is bad.

"Two women were found dead just outside the walls of our sister camp." Rosso sighs, "Witnesses say that M was with them."

Julie turns to look at me. Her eyes are large, and she puts her arm around my waist. I shake my head. This doesn't make sense. M had went to visit the corpse camp... and then the light bulb clicked on. Our sister camp was mere miles from there. All M had to do was hop in the car for a pit stop. I frown. M wouldn't pass up the opportunity for a piece of ass.

"Have you found him?" Julie asks.

"No. That's one piece of good news. Perhaps he got away during the attack."

"No," I say, "M wouldn't leave two women to be murdered by the infected."

"In there lies the problem, R." Rosso says. "They weren't attacked by zombies. They were killed by what did you used to call them... Bone-men?"

"Boneys." I say, with a frown.

This is not good. My brain starts working in overdrive. The Boneys have been lying low for a few months... for what? What could they be doing? What prompted them to attack two people outside of a secured camp instead of going in? A sneak attack would have been their best bet. But they didn't attack the compound. They only murdered those two that were with M... If the Boneys killed those two girls, they did it for a reason. To send a message that the fight isn't over. They must have known who M was. And they know who I am. Which means they're coming back.

"Those skeleton things?" Julie asks with disgust. "I thought I was all done with those." She takes in a deep breath, and looks at me before turning to Rosso. "Why do you think it was them?"

"It's the way they were killed," Rosso says. "Their remains aren't savagely destroyed. It's ruthless. Clean, sharp bites. Their clothes left in neat piles. It's like they're taunting us."

I only half hear what Julie and the Colonel are saying. I have to do something. I have to get out of here. If I'm gone, then these people would be safe, wouldn't they? I look at Julie. If the Boneys got her, I would go out of my mind. She's safer without me. I'm the marked target. I'm the one that wanted to change. I'm the one that fell in love with her and spread my virus.

"R," Julie says, and I snap myself out of my monologue.

I focus my eyes on her, and I'm sure she sees the desperation in them. She circles her arm through mine and reaches up to brush my hair out of my eyes. I look around and see that Rosso is nowhere to be found. How long did I zone out?

"Where'd you go?" She asks softly.

"Just thinking," I say to her.

She frowns and places her finger on the crease between my eyes. "Liar."

I cover her hand with my own, and look deep into her eyes. "I don't think it's a coincidence that the Boneys attacked those two that were with M."

Her eyes cloud over with something dark, probably memories of us running from them in the airport. Unseen horrors through her eyes that makes her jaw set in a firm line. "What does this mean?"

"It means they were following M. They know what he was, and what we're doing."

Slow recognition is building within her. Julie is smart, and I know she's figuring out what I'm about to say to her. "No." She says simply, and folds her arms.

I sigh with a shrug, and swallow the large lump that has formed in my throat. I run my hand down her arms and to her face, "They know who M is and they know who I am, Julie."

"I don't care what they know."

"They'll be coming here again. With more vengeance this time."

"I'll get my shot gun."

I sigh again, and avoid her gaze. "I promised I'd keep you safe. And if to do that, I have to leave, then I will."

"What, you're just going to turn yourself over to them?" She says angrily, "I thought long and hard about what happened yesterday. And I decided, I'm not just giving you up. To _anyone_. So let your wife or these boney bastards try. I'm ready to fight." She grabs me and kisses me long and hard. "We'll get down to base and think of a plan." She turns to the stairs and calls Nora's name.

I can't help but smile at her fiery resilience. It's so easy to love her. But I meant what I said. If the best scenario is for me to be gone to keep her safe, then that is the road I am going to travel.


	6. Chapter 6

Ch 6

The doorbell rings for a second time when Julie and I are upstairs dressing, getting ready to head over to Base. Thinking it's Rosso again, or one of his lackeys, I pull my shirt over my head, look down, and find Julie smiling up at me.

"You're like a ninja," I joke and kiss her.

She laughs, "I may be a ninja, but you're getting the door."

The doorbell rings for a second time, and I rush out of the door.

"If it's Rosso waiting to escort us, I'm giving him a piece of my mind. Be sure to tell him that."

"If it's a bottle of wine, it's for me!" Nora calls.

I shake my head with a laugh, and pull open the door, prepared to find Rosso standing on the other side. Prepared to have a snarky response.

I'm not prepared, however, to find Beth on the other side of my door. She looks uncomfortable and shifts from foot to foot. "Hi, Riley." She says.

I stare at her, my mouth agape. After all that had just happened, I damn near forgot about her.

"I uh... asked around, and your neighbors told me where you lived."

"I...see." I murmur.

"I'm leaving in a few hours, and..."

Rapid footsteps run down the stairs, and I don't need to turn around to know that Julie has seen who is at the door. She walks up behind me, a smile slowly fading from her face as her yellow eyes take in Beth's green. "Hi..." Julie says, looking from Beth to me and back again.

"You must be Julie." Beth says. "I'm... I'm a friend of Riley's."

"Riley?" Julie questions.

"Julie, this is Beth... my... my..." I gurgle on the word. I can't seem to make my mouth form around it. It just doesn't sound right passing through my lips.

"Well... I'm his fiance."

Fiance. Fiance! Hot damn, I never married her! I am so happy I nearly grab Julie and spin her. This is the best news I got all morning.

"I'm going back to Atlanta today." Beth says.

"You're from our sister camp?" Julie asks.

"Yes." She says, and looks at me. "I was just wondering... Riley, did you have anything to say to me?"

Have a good trip? It was nice meeting you? These are the first things that pop into my head, the standard generic fare I often use when the people of the stadium talk to me. It's not that I want to be cold or calculated to Beth, I just don't know what to say, and the same old jargon just doesn't seem to cut it. Julie looks at me meaningfully. I clear my throat, "I... I'm sorry I'm not the person you've been looking for all of these years." I reach out and place a hand on her shoulder.

Beth lowers her head, and a few tears slip out. "I know. I see that, but if you ever... your mother is alive, and she salvaged a lot of things from your childhood. I know it's asking a lot, but if you ever want to, come back, we'll be waiting."

My ears perk up at this. Memories, images from an old life that I can't remember. Details of who I was. It's overpowering. I'm not sure that I want to remember. "Thank you." I say.

Beth rushes to me and gives me a hug before turning and walking away. I watch her until she is out of sight and then I slowly close the door.

"So," Julie says, "You're a Riley."

"So it seems." I say.

"I feel bad for her."

"So do I."

There's a pause, and Julie whispers, "Do you think you want to know? You know, who you were?"

"I don't know," I say with a sigh.

"And... your mother... R, if nothing else, you should call her. At least put her mind at rest."

"Is that the right thing to do? Julie, they're looking for someone who doesn't exist anymore."

"You're still her son." Julie says. "She'd want to know."

"Come on, kids." Nora says, walking down the stairs. "Off to work we go." She looks from Julie to me, at our tense expressions. "What did I miss?"

…...

The feeling in the meeting room was tense. Julie sits next to me, her right hand clutching onto my left as if she were afraid I'd slip through her fingers. These meeting rooms were usually full of M, Julie, and I and Rosso. Today it is full, a few of the people in charge of our sister camp crowding the room. I wonder about M, and if he is okay. He'd always be so cocky, saying he was too stubborn to die. And I would believe him... until now. If these lieutenants made it here from our sister camp after M had left, then that means he was most likely...

Rosso is speaking, his attention spanning between Julie and I. I know this is important. I know I should be paying attention to him. But between my missing friend, keeping Julie calm, and my wife, I would say my mind is pretty busy.

"What do you think, R?" Rosso asks.

I stare at him, dumfounded. What?

Julie looks at me, across the table to the lieutenants, and then to Rosso. "No." She says.

"Julie," Rosso starts.

"No." She says again. "You're not splitting us up." She looks to me for support, her sunshine eyes wide and desperate. "Tell him, R. Tell him that splitting us up after this mission is a dumb idea."

"We need to know what they're after, Julie." Rosso says gently. "I give you my word, he will have all of the protection he needs."

"I don't care! Gee, let's think, I wonder who they're after! They're after R of course!"

I think long and hard about this for a moment. From the gist of it, we're going on a mission somewhere in the south. Rosso is splitting Julie and I up after it. Maybe it's not so bad of an idea. If the Boneys come after me, it's better for Julie to be far away and safe. Let me deal with them. Let me pay for my defiance. "Maybe it's not such a bad idea, Jule." I say quietly.

She turns to me, and a flash of betrayal flashes across her face.

"Good, you're in agreement." Rosso says.

Julie withdraws her hand from me and folds her arms. Tears fill her eyes and she turns away. "So, what's the plan, then?" She asks, her voice breaking. "We go and survey the corpse camp, head to the south... we're retracing M's steps. After that, I'm just supposed to leave him in Atlanta, and wait for these boney bastards to make their move? And then what happens when they do? Did you all forget that R is alive now? He's flesh and blood, and has a beating heart..."

"Allow me to answer that question, Miss." One of the Lieutenants from the south camp across the table speaks up. He raises his hand, and a man from behind him steps forward, carrying an enormous, sophisticated looking gun. "In all due respect, when M was at our camp last, we brought him into our weapons department and he had a lot of input on this beauty. We want to dispose of these bone men, but we can't find them. Not without your help."

…...

"I can't believe you didn't back me up in there." Julie says later that night. We are in our bedroom, preparing to get our rest before heading out in the morning.

I sigh, sit down on my edge of the bed and pull off my socks. I know that whatever I say to her now will be pointless. I didn't take her side at the base, and that's all she will ever know. But, I try anyway. "Because they're right, Julie."

"How're they right?" She whispers. She is sitting on her side of the bed as well, and when I glance over at her, she is pulling a tank top over her head. She grabs her hair and floofs it out of the shirt, and I watch it drape over her shoulders like strands of gold.

I hesitate. I can think of all of the counter arguments she's going to say to me.

"I just think it's better if we're together." She says, and flings herself down on the bed. She stares up at her ceiling.

"It's only for a week." I tell her, and lay down next to her.

"Yeah, it'll start off as a week. And then these bastards don't show up. And then it's a month."

"Then, I will visit you." I tell her.

"And call me everyday." She adds.

"And call you everyday," I confirm.

"And... call me in the morning to say you love me."

"Every morning."

"And... you'll think of me." She whispers. "While I'm here all alone."

I reach over and gently place my hand over her heart. "It's you and me, remember?"

She takes both of her hands and covers mine. "You'll be safe, won't you?" She whispers, and small tears leak out of her eyes, "I've lost so much, I can't lose you too."

I reach out and pull her toward me, wrapping my arms around her. I let her cry herself out, soothing her and rubbing her back. "It's going to be okay, Jule." I say.

She dries her eyes on her wrist and then pushes me onto my back before climbing on top of me. She gives me a small smile.

I raise my eyebrows in question, but she simply covers my mouth with her own.


	7. Chapter 7

Ch 7

When I wake the next morning, the vivid green of Beth's eyes feel like they have burnt into my retinas. Julie's head is on my chest, and she's snoring slightly, her golden hair draped down her shoulders and bare back. I decide to keep this from her. No need to add more stress to her plate.

There's a double knock on the bedroom door and Nora's voice calls, "Wake up, love birds, the convoy will be here in ten minutes for weapons check!"

Julie stirs and mumbles grumpily before going back to sleep.

I chuckle lowly and absentmindedly stroke her hair while she sleeps for a second. This is the last time I'll be waking up in this bed next to Julie for awhile. That thought depresses me. My happy little sitcom life is getting a heavy dose of drama.

Well, there'll be plenty time for sulking when I'm alone in Atlanta. Time to get a move on. I nudge Julie's shoulder gently and her sunshine eyes come into view as she looks up at me. "Morning already?" She asks, and ruffles her nose.

"Afraid so."

She sighs dramatically, stretches, and then wraps a sheet around her and waddles to the bathroom. "Convoy on its way?" She asks.

"Yeah," I say, sitting up and pulling on a pair of pants. I grab our packed duffel bags and throw them out into the hallway.

"R?" She calls with the flush of the toilet.

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember Atlanta at all?"

"No," I say as she emerges from the bathroom, her hair ringing wet from the shower. She grabs it and balls it onto the top of her head.

She frowns, and looks like is about to say something else when there is commotion outside of our window. Without looking, I know that the convoy has arrived. Six salvaged army tank strong, we will roll into the corpse camp in safety. The remaining Dead have yet to mangle the rolling belts on the tanks. They know better know to stay away.

"You ready?" I ask her.

"Yeah," She says, fluffing out her hair in the mirror. She turns at the doorway and surveys our room. "You got the bags?"

"In the hallway."

"Okay," She says and looks over the room again. "Okay," She says again and walks out the door.

….

Nora hops up and into the tank like she was a born marine. She hasn't said much about M's disappearance, and I hope that she is not so used to loss that she just brushes it aside. Julie is standing next to me as I hand our bags off to Security. A large crowd has formed behind the tanks to see us off. I nod and give a few waves, and Julie hugs a few kids and pats shoulders.

I notice Tom waving to me from the crowd, and the thought occurs to me. It'd only take a second... Rosso would get pissed, but it'd take no more than ten minutes...

I grab Julie's hand and whisper into her ear, "Come with me a minute."

She doesn't question but follows, and Nora is the first to stick her head out of the tank "Where are they going?"

"We'll be right back!" I call.

"R!" Rosso calls after us. "Julie! You're holding up the damn rollout!"

Julie doesn't say anything as we sprint through the streets to her restaurant. I slow as we come up to the building and let go of her hand to dig in my pocket for the key.

"R, what is this?" Julie asks, her eyes wide and head on a swivel.

I smile at her, put the key in the lock, and open the door for her. "Welcome to your restaurant."

Her eyes grow wider as she walks through the doors. It is still a work in progress, but she can see the ovens. "My restaurant," She whispers, putting a hand to her mouth.

"I was thinking we could have booths over here," I say, pointing to the far wall, "and some tables in the middle... and... a sign over the front door that says Julie's Place."

"This is what you've been hiding from me," She whispers, turning around to face me.

I'm surprised to find tears in her eyes.

"I know you've been craving Pad Thai." I say.

"R," She whispers, "I can't believe this."

I walk to her and pull her into my arms. She puts her chin on my chest and smiles up at me. "I love this." She says. "I can't believe you did all of this for me."

I lean down and kiss her, and she wraps her arms around my neck. A blaring horn from outside separates us, and we look outside to see our convoy. I'm surprised they could get those tanks down these smaller streets.

Julie giggles and takes my hand. "Come on, our ride is here."

...

Every time I visit a corpse camp, it seems weird to think that I was once where these people are. I know what they're going through, what they're thinking. We have them all gathered in a group, watching the President's address on the t.v. Some of them seem to be coming around. A handful or so. One of them, a young male lunges at Julie, and I zap him with my taser. Of course this is less effective on the Dead, I'd call it equivalent to a shock collar. But he jumps back and is still.

"No biting!" Julie scolds.

"A...mer...ic...a?" A voice asks from the mass.

"Who said that?" I ask.

At first, all of them just stand there and sway and groan. But then, slowly coming through the sea is movement. A young woman hobbles forward, dragging a broken ankle. She can't be more than twelve with pig tails and wearing a school uniform. "4th of July." She says. "Fireworks."

"Yes," Julie says. "Good."

"Bar..b...que..." Another voice answers.

Julie smiles at me, and I smile back. Nora walks forward, her gun strapped around her shoulders, but a stethoscope hangs from her ears. She walks up to the girl with the broken ankle. "May I?" she asks.

The girl does not respond, so Nora places the stethoscope to her chest and listens. "It's faint," She says after a while, "But it's there."

…

It's nightfall when Julie and I walk around the corpse camp. This is our last night together. In the morning, I will be heading to Atlanta, and she will return home. Julie stops and stares at the Dead mulling around. Staggering into each other. Groaning.

"It is something, isn't it?" She asks.

"What?"

"How long we've come?" She shrugs, "they're kinda like primitive man."

I raise my eyebrow. "So, you're saying I was a neanderthal."

"With a good taste in music." She laughs.

"Oh, come on, I also had a good taste in collectibles."

She laughs, "Yes, you had some very nice mobiles."

I watch a particularly slow middle aged infected man shuffle his way over to our convoy and then turn his head and stare at the sky. "Was I like that?" I ask.

"What, slow?" She asks.

"No... just..." My voice trails off. Maybe I don't want to know the answer. Maybe I should just go on thinking that I was handsome with a speech impediment.

"What's wrong?" She asks.

I don't answer her, hoping she'd drop the subject.

"R," She says.

No such luck. I just shake my head and shrug.

She laughs and whacks me on the arm. "You know how I feel about the shrugging."

Maybe I should just go on thinking that the miracle of Julie falling in love with me happened. There's no need for an explanation. Miracles don't need those.

"So, what should we do with our last night?" Julie asks.

I watch the man staring up at the sky. "I think he has the right idea." I say, and Julie smiles in return.

And so, we lay down right there under the stars. We watch them twinkle and shine, we talk about everything and nothing at the same time. We link hands. We kiss. And just as the stars are vanishing for the evening, Julie is curled next me, asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry about that guys!

Ch 8

"_We stay together," I tell Julie, and the memory is so clear that I can feel her stare. "Promise." I say._

"_Promise." She whispers._

My eyes open and I am blinded by the morning sun. I'm groggy for a moment, trying to remember where I am, and why there's a rock in my back. Julie's head is where it always is on my chest, and everything comes flooding back in a cloud. We're in the south at the corpse camp, and as I wake up, my ear begin to hear other sounds. The shuffling and groaning of the Dead. The hum of the tanks engines. That's right. We're seperating today. I guess my subconscious wanted to remind me that I myself said that we shouldn't back when I was dead, which seems so long ago now. I lean up and reach under me to peel the rock from flesh and throw it over my head without looking. There's a thud and a dull "oww." I don't look, but footsteps come in my direction.

Nora is standing over me, hands on her hips. "Thanks," She says.

"Sorry," I mumble.

Julie stirs and sits up, placing her hand over her eyes to block out the sun. She cracks her back and rolls her neck. "Forgot what it was like sleeping outside." She says.

My hands automatically go to her shoulders. She groans and melts into me.

Nora rolls her eyes. "Oh come on."

My hands do their magic, working out the knots in her back.

"When are you leaving?" Nora asks.

Julie sighs, "As soon as everyone's ready, I guess. I'd like R to get to Atlanta before noon."

"Well, Rosy thinks it's best if I delay a day. The medical tank will stay here until tomorrow and then we'll catch up with you on the road. There's promise here, and... I want to be there when...when it happens. I can use my useless medical knowledge."

"It's not useless." Julie snaps.

Kevin, who had been promoted to Rosso's second in command walks over to us. "Good morning ladies, and R." He says and turns to me, "Rosso wants a word."

I stretch and get to my feet, and give Julie a kiss before following him.

Nora rolls her eyes, and sits beside Julie. "You guys are seriously always like this?"

"Like what?" Julie asks, watching R and Kevin walk away.

"The Let me kiss you every time I walk five feet away thing."

"Jealous," Julie says with a laugh.

"Immensely." Nora replies.

"That can all change today." Julie says. She looks down at the ground, and starts drawing in the dirt with her finger, not meeting Nora's eyes.

Nora gives her a look, "What are you talking about?"

"R will be in Atlanta. That's where Beth is."

"Julie," Nora says, "Look at me."

Julie looks up and then glances away, continuing to swirl mundane shapes in the sand.

"Look at me."

Julie sighs and meets her friend's eyes. "She's so pretty, Nora. She's got the fair skin and red hair and green eyes and..."

"And he loves _you_." Nora says. "So what if this hootchie is pretty?"

"She's not a hootchie, she's his old fiance."

"Okay, she's an old hootchie. Let me rephrase my question. So what if this old hootchie is pretty? I told you before, Grigio, R would rather die than leave you."

"But Nora, this is, is whole life he used to have. Maybe he'll want it back."

"You have to believe that it'll work out, Julie. The world is slowly reviving, and faith and hope and love is reviving with it. Just don't give up, okay? You two have been through too much."

…...

"Well, I guess this is goodbye," Julie says, staring down at the ground. She kicks at a stray pebble and watches it wobble down the road. We stand beside the roadside convoy. Two tanks will travel with Julie and Rosso back to the stadium. One will stay with me, and the medical tank will be traveling with Nora.

I grab her and wrap my arms around her. "This _will_ work. I can almost... I can almost feel them coming."

"Well that comforts me."  
I cup her face and stare directly into her eyes, "I love you," I say, before placing my forehead against hers and whispering, "It's you and me, remember?"

"I love you too." She says. "Promise you'll be safe."

I wipe the tears off of her cheeks with my thumb. "I'll be fine, Jule." I say, "And I'll be back to you before you can miss me."

She smiles, kisses me one last time and then climbs up and onto the tank with the help of Kevin. She waves and ducks inside.

Rosso comes over to me, extends his hand, and then pulls me into a hug. "I promised her father long ago what I will promise you now." He says. "I will look after her until my dying breath. She's as much a daughter to me as you are a son."

I stare into Rosso's eyes as his words sink in. Home. Family. This is what Rosso is considering me as. I feel a large lump forming in my throat. I clap him tightly on the back. "Thank you," I say.

He nods to me, and climbs up into the second tank. Kevin waves and disapears inside as well. Nora steps up beside me as the tanks roll down the road.

"Hey, R." She says, and punches me on the shoulder.

I shake my head with a smile, "Hey, Nora."

"She'll be okay," She says. "And so will you. And no matter what you find in Atlanta..."

Atlanta. Beth. My mother. Julie hadn't talked much at all about that, but I know it was on her mind, just as much as the Boneys are.

"No matter what I find in Atlanta, Julie will always come first."

Nora smiles. "I know." She leans over and gives me a hug. "Be careful, okay?"

"You too." I tell her.

….

Atlanta is hot. God awfully hot. It's like the sun fixes itself directly over you, no matter where you go. The shade is minimal, and many of the residents of this camp have fixated themselves indoors. There are cabins built underground and out of the sun's blistering heat. They are connected through various long tunnels lit by candlelight. I find myself in a small one bedroom flat. There is electricity and running water, but no refrigerator or stove. All meals are served above ground in a cafeteria. There's a few telephones in there. None of the cabins have them because, well, unfortunately, everyone who knows everyone are in the same camps these days. I have a table, chair and small desk lamp. A salvaged couch is against a far wall, pointed at an old fashioned tv. They get the same channels here that all over the country does. The same addresses by the president. The same re-runs of sitcoms. I wonder vaguely how they get signals down here. There are three large windows high on the far wall, almost in the ceiling. I can see the mess hall and various parts of the town. The medical tent. The crops they have growing. The stadium trades regularly with Atlanta. One hundred pounds of coffee beans for one hundred pounds of vegetables, that sort of thing. A small hallway in the cabin leads off to a bedroom with a single bed, end table and an oil lamp. An empty dresser and mirror occupy one whole wall. The bathroom is right across from that with a claw-foot tub, toilet and a drain in the floor. This will be home for awhile.

I sit on the sofa and sigh. A small piece of paper is clamped tightly in my hand, with the words 5C scribbled on it. This is the cabin of my mother. I'm not sure why the words tumbled out of my mouth when I arrived here, but I'm glad they did.

My mother. My real mother is alive, and I can see her. Not just in my dreams, but in person. In the flesh. I could return to her the changed man that I am, not the son she lost. But who knows what I was like before. Maybe she will like what I've become. That I have a job, a lovely girl in my life, and a bright future.

Maybe she'll be upset that girl isn't Beth. Maybe she'll want me to move here. Maybe she won't like me at all.

Stop.

My palms have become sweaty and I dry them on my jeans before hoisting myself to my feet. This could be a good thing. I pull open my cabin door, 1D and walk into the dimly lit tunnel. I turn right. I pass a set of stairs separated by a landing and find myself on the third floor. I make another right and go up another set of stairs. Here, I am. Fifth floor. Okay, I can do this. I pass doors blindly. 5A, 5B, 5C, and here I am. I stare at the door that reads 5D. It is much lighter in this hallway, and I find that we are almost ground level with the street.

I take a deep breath, raise my fist, and knock on the door.

I hear a voice inside that I can't make out, and my nerves are getting the best of me. This is too much in one day. I'm about to run for it when the door is pulled open, and a lovely middle aged woman is standing there, starring up at me.

I know this woman. She is the one from my dreams. She has shoulder length dark hair and bright blue eyes like me. We have the same nose and same face.

Tears instantly fill her eyes, and she reaches up to hug me. "Riley!" She sobs. I hold her as she cries into my shoulder, and over her head, I can see Beth sitting on a couch in the cabin, watching an old I Love Lucy episode. She too, has tears in her eyes, and looks away.

"Hi...mom," I choke out. It sounds so foreign saying that word.

My mother lets me go, grabs my hound and ushers me inside. "Oh my God, I thought I'd never see you again! I..." She starts sobbing again, and I put my hand on her shoulder. I look around the cabin, and it's about the same size as mine, but the walls are decorated with pictures of me when I was a child, me and my mother, me and Beth as kids, Beth and I at something that looks like a high school dance. A large lump forms in my throat.

"Of course, you know Beth." My mother says, gesturing to the girl on the couch.

Beth gets up, and hugs me too. "It's so good to see you." She says. "I was just visiting your mother, Sandra."

Sandra. My mother's name is Sandra. I was hoping that'd stir something in me, but it doesn't.

"Oh, yes, Beth's been very good to me." My mom says. "We both prayed for your return every day."

I sigh, and sit down at the table.

My mother eyes me, and sits down next to me.

"The thing is," I say, and I try to get this out as gently as possible. But how do you tell your own mother that you barely remember her? "I got infected. And when I that happened, I lost a lot of my memories."

My mom puts a hand to her mouth, her eyes wide.

"But he's here, and that's what matters, Sandra. He's healthy now." Beth chimes in.

"You were... _infected_?" My mother asks me, and she says it like it's a dirty word. "You _ate_ people?"

I can feel a wave of rejection washing over me. This is not going well. If my own mother can't accept the fact...

"My baby," She whispers suddenly, and wraps her arms around me. "Oh my God. My poor Riley."

"I go by R now." I say softly.

My mother pulls away and stares at me. "R?"

"It's all I could remember of my name." I say, "And I don't really feel like a Riley anymore."

"Do you remember this?" Beth asks, and she is pointing to a picture.

I get up and walk over to it. It's the one of her and I at the dance.

"Our senior prom. This is the last photo of you and I together. That summer, you took the intern position at my dad's law firm. You were going to go to law school in the fall... and that's when the infection spread."

I stare at the photo, and try to remember at least one thing of what she has told me. I was going to be a lawyer. I worked for her father. Nothing is ringing a bell. "No, I'm sorry." I say. "I don't remember any of that."

"Do you remember this?" My mother asks, and places a diamond ring in my hand.

I am down on one knee in front of Beth, presenting this to her. My mother is very excited when I tell her that Beth accepted it. Beth and I are walking hand n hand in a building. The fire alarm is pulled. People are panicking. There are gun shots on the lower floors. There are rapid footsteps. People screaming. I grab Beth and stuff her into a nearby closet, promising her I'd be right back.

I swallow the large lump in my throat. "I gave this to you." I whisper.

"It was mine." My mother says.

"It's still yours," I say, handing it back to her.

"No." She says, and closes my hand around it. "This is all I have to pass onto you."

"I gave it back to your mother when you went missing." Beth says quietly. "I guess I was always hoping that one day you'd give it back to me."

This is horrible. I feel like the worst person alive. I am going to devastate this woman, perhaps permanently this time.

"You really weren't the same after you started working for my dad." Beth says. "You were always so busy. I hardly ever saw you, except when I'd stop by the office. I... guess I've missed you longer than I realized."

"I'm sorry." I say. And the words don't make up for it. "I'm just very sorry."

"Well, are you going to give that ring back to her?" My mother asks. "Let's lighten the mood."

"I can't." I say, and lower my gaze. "I can't. There's someone else. And..." I stare down at the ring. It would look beautiful upon Julie's finger. "I think I want to give it to someone else."

Beth breaks down completely, and my mother runs over to comfort her.

My back is to them, and I turn slowly. "She deserves someone who will love her." I say. "Beth, you need to make new memories with someone who will love you."

Beth gives a small nod, as if trying to comprehend what I'm saying.

"I'm sorry I'm not the person you both remember." I say. "If you don't want me to, I won't come back."

"Not come back?" My mother asks. "Riley... R... you're my son. You'll always be my son. Of course I want you to come back." She gets up, walks to me, and buries her face in my chest. "I'll always love you. Always."

And it's these words that make me thankful for all that I have. A mother. Julie. A home. It may not be much to others, but it's all I need.


End file.
